Hello friends, Happy January. I have to apologize for my lack of recipe sharing – I have a few reasons for that. To be completely honest, I’ve been avoiding you. Why? Well. Do you ever feel completely and incredibly overwhelmed? Like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do what you need to do, while still been able to do what you want to do? Before Christmas I was seriously doubting whether or not I would make it through the holidays. With school on top of working 40 hours a week plus trying to get all my baking/shopping/meal preparing/party-planning/all-the-unnecessary-holiday-stresses-we-put-on-ourselves-every-year stuff, I got tired, I took on too much, neglected myself and didn’t take anytime to relax – I didn’t take any me time. I was exhausted, stressed and grumpy. I won’t lie – there were a few times that I cried a little. Any I know, I was being crazy – I know this due to the look on my poor boyfriend’s face after I burst into tears while putting up Christmas lights because half of them were burned out. I’m talking major crocodile tears, a little sobbing – it was all very dramatic. Perhaps it was because I was under so much pressure with studying for my upcoming finals, that I felt my head was going to pop off, or because I’m a perfectionist and things, well, weren’t perfect, or maybe it was even because as an only child, I like things to go my way and have a tendency to have a temper tantrum when they don’t. Either way, I was a complete basket case and needed to find a way to figure my shit out – for my own good, and everyone else’s. I was a stress ball, a stress-y McStresserton, a flipping grump. It’s like I ate a big giant batch of frownies (I wish I could take credit for that last one).
SO one morning, after Christmas and after about ten people’s worth of food in just a few short days, I was laying in bed – and I had an epiphany. Okay, not really… I had this epiphany a long time ago, I just refused to realize it until now. Let’s jump back a little bit. When I was young… I was a little chubby. And, by chubby, I mean I was really overweight. My mother (god bless her soul) called it baby fat and told me I was big boned. And, I believed her for a very long time. I believed that, in time, I would be a normal sized little girl, just like my other classmates, and that my size had nothing to do with the bags of Doritoz or Ice Cream Sandwiches that I would devour on a regular basis, or the high sugar fruit punch I was obsessed with, or…any of the other sugar packed, high fructose corn syrup infused boxes of pre-packaged poison that I ingested every single day. I was young, I didn’t know any better, and honestly, neither did my mom.
I’ve struggled with my weight all my life. I’m a yo-yo dieter. A diet whore. I have been around my friends, like REALLY been around, I have tried them all and let me tell you, they all failed. I will calorically starve my body, and then binge on whatever form of sustenance is in my kitchen – from stale pita bread to half a brick of cheese. I’m a stress eater, a food lover and, well as my blog indicates, I love everything that has to do with cake batter, icing sugar and sprinkles. I am always looking for a quick way to lose weight – but I’ve never actually said, hey, why don’t I cut the crap and make a commitment to be healthy instead of trying every fad diet I can get for free on the internet. And when I say failed, I don’t mean I didn’t lose weight, of course I lost weight you silly geese I was likely consuming under 1000 calories a day, drinking my college freshman face off, AND (dare I say it) controlling my appetite by smoking cigarettes (don’t worry friends, I kicked that nasty habit 1 year and 5 months ago). But of course, I would also yo-yo on right back up to an uncomfortable weight because, after a while, I just didn’t feel like depriving myself of all the yummy treats I was missing out on (and like… you know, real food, not plain cottage cheese and cucumber pita sandwiches).
In the past two years I have not bothered to make a serious effort to live a healthy lifestyle, and in all honesty it’s making me tired, and sick, and fat, and I hate it. I don’t feel like me. Every year I make a new years resolution to get skinny, well this year I want to get healthy.
A few confessions:
1. I don’t like it when people tell me that I don’t need to lose weight because I am skinny enough – I have gained 20 pounds in the last year and a half and I get winded walking up a flight of stairs… if that’s not the picture of health I don’t know what is.
2. I love everything deep fried and everything sugar packed, I just don’t like how I feel after eating it.
3. I have never committed to a fitness plan for more than a month (and in that month I am likely not consistent), because, like, I hate sweating n’ stuff.
4. I hate meat in my salads. Try me – I will attempt them all. But in the end, chicken, or beef, or some form of meat on my wonderfully leafy and fresh greens? Heck no.
5. I am a Monday diet starter and a procrastinator. I like excuses, especially if that excuse allows me to skip a workout.
Promises I am making to myself (and my readers!)
1. I promise I will not turn this in to a crazy, body building health nut blog – I mean, I’m committed but not THAT committed. Like, I’d kill for six pack but I won’t give up carbs or try to suffocate my sweet tooth.
2. I promise not to whine, pout or complain about having to go to the gym instead of playing Xbox, or skipping dessert… well, I’ll try.
3. I promise to fill your life with salads, leafy greens, healthy snacks, skinny treats and homemade everything.
4. I promise to search high and low for healthy pizza crust, sugar free muffins, and low calorie cupcakes.
5. I promise this will be fun – not boring, bland or depressing. This will be an adventure. Kelsey’s super cool healthy food search adventure! Orrrrr Kelsey’s wicked awesome adventure of incredibly tasty and nutritious food! Pick one.. it’ll grow on you.
I was on a three week blogging hiatus – and for that, I’m sorry, but I needed to, like I mentioned earlier, figure out my shit, and decide what was important to me. I wasn’t making myself, or my health a priority, and I feel awful. Eat like shit feel like shit. You are what you eat. “Insert healthy eating quote here.”
It’s on like DONKEY KONG!